From HMP Sunny Scrubs
5th April 2011

Alright Mal,

I hope this letter finds you well, myself: itís cushty. Just bopping along, tip toeing through the tulips in a Junkyís Paradise.

Well, as you know, I got 2 years on Friday, which, compared to everyone else is a liberty but Iím pleased that they only got short sentences and mineís sweet-o Ö Iíve done longer in the canteen queue. So the handbrake is now off of my bus ride. Iíll have a few stops and then Iíll get off. Thereís still more Chelsea to go up on trial and sentencing for the ones that pleaded guilty. It was a liberty that the News and the papers made such a big thing out of a little altercation!!

Still, at least they (my mates) know that they wonít get any more than two years, as I donít see anyone getting more than me. So, good luck to my fellow comrades.

I spose you know that vile pirate was there Ö you know, that mongrel ďMcINLIESĒ still living off of the back of my name. He still calls himself a journalist, but heís the only one that does, as I know plenty and they hate him. I mean he was on Countdown the other day. The cunt couldnít even spell ďTRUTH.Ē I never see Robin Cook perform like him, did you?? Exactly!

Anyway, it was good for me as the courtroom absolutely mobbed apart from the judge, so I managed to say to him loud and clear: ďI hope you get cancer in your throat and get riddled with AIDS, mother cunt!!Ē God, that made me feel better. Anyone who has read my book will realise that there was a lot more behind the documentary and that he is a PARASITE!

Anyway my friend, loads of people have been booking ďAudiences WithĒ me for when I get out. I also started a new DVD and Iíve been asked to be in a new film. I might even do another book. Weíll see. So itís all good in the hood!

Itís a 23 hour bang-up here, but Iíve just got myself a job, so that means I can go to the gym, so Iím back on the running machine. Sweet-o. I played five-a-side the other day, but all the smack-heads talk a good game Ö fuck me, they have a touch like the Night Stalker! I played like Paul Gascoigne and the geezah beside me played like Bamber Gascoigne Ö so Iíll stick to training!!

Mal, you wouldnít believe the support I have had from the other side of the wire from far and wide, from people I donít know supporting me and, of course, from my good pals. I NEEED these people to know that I am VERY GRATEFUL. I will write back to each and every one of them, but it may take time as some days I get six or more letters Ö and letís not forget that Iíve got to earn my eight quid a week (YEEEHAAAA). I just donít know what Iím going to spend it all on!

Funny as fuck: my palís in here doing life plus an IPP, so he has no date of getting out. So I gave him a .Ggeneral Application Form the other day. He said ďWhatís that for?Ē I said ďDonít forget to claim your two days back from the police station!Ē

I think my invite to the Royal Wedding must be in the second post; but to be fair I think Iím busy that day!! Iíve got a cell mate who I make salute the picture of the Queen on my wall every morning, while we sing ďGod Save The Queen.Ē Heís quite handy, cos some cuntís got to turn the TV over. He had to have the top bunk cos I told him Iím scared of heights.

Anyway, must go, got to listen to more lies off some fraggles.




Your pal,
Jason (The General)

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